Diet

I’ve fallen for the cat next door.

Until now I never understood Cat People. What is the point of cats? They’re so indifferent to you. They don’t seem to care if you’re alive or dead, as long as they’re being fed.

But then the black and white fluffball above moved in to the little house on our left. It immediately started a turf war with the evil green-eyed cat that lives to our right. The battle ground? Our tiny back yard.

Both of these cats share their humans with a dog, so I can understand why they’d fight for the right to lounge peacefully in neutral territory.

After a few weeks of staring contests (as depicted in photo above) and midnight hissing, the new kid came out on top.

At first he just plonked himself under this dense, scraggly bush in the yard, the perfect position to keep an eye on both his own home and the home of his green-eyed enemy. But then he invited himself inside.

Our flat is small; it’s a third of a converted outbuilding. We’re overlooked on all sides so it can feel stuffy and oppressive. We keep the awning window in the bathroom open most times to let some air in. It’s a small window, but just big enough for a determined cat to squeeze through.

One evening Gareth got up from the couch, opened the living room door and nearly jumped a foot in the air when he found the cat sitting on the other side. The cat sauntered in, jumped on the armchair and made itself comfortable.

Neither of us know anything about cats, so we just kind of stared at him. He stared back, then decided he was bored and demanded to be let back outside (at that point, it could climb in through the window, but had yet to acquire the skills to get back out).

Since then he’s just dropped in whenever he damn well pleases. I came home from a meeting to find him conked out on the bed.

Having only had relatively obedient dogs as pets before, the audacity of this cat was fascinating… and endearing. My cat-owning friend LaLa explained to me that many cats take up “second homes”. Evidently he’d decided on us for his crash pad.

I also didn’t realise that cats in boxes is really a thing. I mean I love Maru on YouTube, and had a book called My Cat Likes To Hide In Boxes when I was a kid, but had never really thought about cats ’til now. When this guy snoozed in the beer box for four hours straight he won me over forever.

I also didn’t know that cats sleep for up to 20 hours a day. Gareth googled it. He was mocking me for being smitten, “You love that cat!” but he’s just as bad. Here they are reading Cat Facts together.

The creature is totally shameless. He will snooze for hours in a suitcase or mooch next to you on the couch, but then he’ll hear the footsteps of his Real Human arriving home, the One With The Food, and he’ll spring up and trot away without a backward glance.

Three times this past week he’s even sneaked inside in the middle of the night. We wake at 6AM to find him dozing on the foot of the bed or on the floor. He looks at us all bewildered and regretful, then jumps off and heads back out the bathroom window. We watch him slink down the path back to his real home, like a walk of shame after a long night out.

In some of my jealous, pathetic moments when I’m working from home and just want the company of another living being for a bit longer, I consider offering him a snack. But that would be crossing a line, and it’s kinda great that he hangs around without ever begging for food. He just uses us for a quiet and comfy place to sleep (like four hours in the laundry basket yesterday) and that arrangement is working nicely.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just get my own cat, but I really don’t want one. I’d have to deal with stinky cat food tins and vet bills. Plus, it wouldn’t be as good as this cat. I’m besotted with that Don’t Give A Fuck stare, the wiry whiskers, the belly as fleecy as a sheep’s and the complete disregard for our feelings and furniture. What a champ.